Papa is doing well. We spent the day with him and the family at the hospital and he loved spending time with my daughter (boys were at school). His surgery went well, although his pulse dropped to 30 during the procedure. But the pacemaker is in and his pulse was 70 this evening. I'm going to go back to visit on Friday. If you knew my Papa, you would know he's worth the hour drive, the cost in gas money, the repercussions of a toddler not getting a nap...I'd visit him everyday if I could.
I was SO DARN ANGRY this evening that I hate to report that I blew off my eating plan. Not a good excuse, I know. Did you ever feel so powerless that it ate at you until you had to eat? That was me today. I don't want to say too much regarding family matters, but my grandmother is being a VERY difficult person to love right now. I did something this afternoon, I never thought I'd do: I stood up to her. You know, when you take that vow to love someone in sickness and in health, it doesn't just mean YOUR health. It means your SPOUSE! I know I'm not the only one angry about this in our family, and I don't see them eating themselves into oblivion, so I have to figure out a way to give it to God and not my stomach, because I'm pretty sure my stomach isn't in control, as much as it feels like it is sometimes.
I am going to make a to do list for tomorrow, keeping it short and including exercise, and then get to bed. Tomorrow is another day. I once told a good friend to concentrate on those things you can control and influence. My home, my body, my attitude, these are all things I can control and influence, so that is where I have to give my focus. I need to get back to the basics of what I want and what I need to do for myself and family and stop worrying about things not of my doing or control. It all sounds good, but can I do it?
2 comments:
I'm glad your Papa (grandfather?) is doing okay. He does sound like a special person. I have always had the deepest respect and admiration for WWII vets in particular. (Sorry Grandmother is such a pill!)
I think you have hit on something with your diet issues. Your reaction to the situation is what is known as "emotional eating". Most of us are guilty of it at some time or another, a lot of times it is when we feel out of control and are desperately seeking a source of comfort. Your situation definitely had you stressed and you were eating to try and soothe that stress. Understandable. But knowing WHY you do it is part of being able to recognize what will set you off in the future and having other ways of dealing with it. As you know, the comfort you get from the eating lasts only about as long as it takes to chew and swallow, then you are left with remorse!
Sorry, not to preach, but I am on the same road to weight loss so I understand how it is. Anyway today is ANOTHER day and nothing you ate or did yesterday can be undone, you can only do your best TODAY which I know you will. You have been doing great at exercise, you have really firmed up. So keep moving ahead and the more you get into shape the better you will feel and the easier it will be to find other ways to deal with stress.
Best wishes on your Papa's recovery.
Thanks Lisalu! I think you are right and I knew I was eating from emotion while I was doing it, but yet couldn't stop myself. I guess venting didn't help and I felt fustrated that I didn't have an answer to the problem. I guess that's where the root of the problem lies. How do you live with the helplessness and anger of a problem unsolved? Thanks again, good luck in your weight loss efforts.
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